God Damn The Garden (Switch)

God Damn The Garden is a new release published by Ratlakia Games for the Nintendo Switch, offering old school FPS vibes and quirky storytelling does it work out?.

God Damn The Garden puts you in the bones of the Skeleton Bastard, you’re challenged with exploring God’s garden to prove yourself as the “Ultimate Badass”. 

The writing has that quirky “Undertale” humour to it which is extremely marmite in nature, you’ll either just accept the strange dialogue or outright detest it, sadly I was in the latter for this one but maybe I just didn’t “get it” which rang true throughout the whole title.

The graphics have that throwback PSX era look to them and I’m a fan of that, sadly the areas you explore in the game aren’t all too interesting and offer little in the way of difference after you’ve seen the first few areas. 

Gameplay sees you exploring the garden which is a literal labyrinth, shooting at the creatures which enhabit with a “seed gun” and meeting the weird and “wonderful” cast that inhabits the God Damn Garden.

The game offers light first person shooter action with one of the worst guns I’ve had the displeasure of using in a video game, it fires seeds in such a floaty way that it doesn’t feel satisfying, a detriment when your game is a “FPS”. 

The movement controls feel floaty and laggy also which is a nightmare when the smaller enemies swarm you and you watch that Heart Meter slowly decrease and you get hoisted back to the most recent checkpoint you’ve triggered.

The game is thankfully only an hour or so long which is a small mercy when there isn’t anything that I found enjoyable in the title. Maybe I just missed the point of the game but it just left a horrible taste in my mouth and left me cursing “God Damn This Game”, it feels like it’s a bizarre cheap Steam release and after a quick Google search I can confirm that it is infact so.



Don’t touch this grass

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Straight from the streets of SouthTown, all Dunks Powah'd and ready to Bust A Wolf. Catch me on Twitch/YouTube.

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